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Groucho Marx was a master at delivering one-liners.
How do you feel about women's rights ? I like either side of them.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
Mrs. Teasdale: He's had a change of heart.
[Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.
I sent the club a wire stating, Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing..if you can fake that, you've got it made.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Remember men you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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